The Day I Became a Mom

I am alone.  No really, I am all alone in my house.  The tv is on, I have a glass of wine, and at 7:20 pm, I am just starting to make dinner.  The house is quiet (other than the tv of course)….. it is quiet because I am alone.  Oh wait, I said that already. Ok fine….why am I alone?  Principessa is spending quality time with Cara Mamma the Elder and Papi the Brain (think shopping, movies, ice cream, swimming–it’s almost like she is on a spa vacation!). Rocket on the other hand, is in Albuquerque, New Mexico- such is the life of a rocket scientist.  And so, I admit with a small pang of guilt, that when I realized I would have a few days to myself, I was giddy like a school girl looking forward to some quiet, no schedule, just me time.  I almost feel bad about the fact that I encouraged Rocket to go on the trip, even when he came up with reasons why he should stay here.  Seriously though, a few days of adult time with no plans?  What woman wouldn’t be overjoyed?  Time to relax, time to eat chocolate, time to read in bed.  And yes, the quiet is nice.  But I admit, that as I went to bed last night, in my quiet house, I wished it was not so quiet.

Today, as a reminder of what is really important in my life, I opened my inbox to find an email that started with: “Congratulations!” Congratulations?  Maybe I won an iPad?  Maybe I won…..well, I did win something. I was selected as the winner of “The Day I Became a Mother” contest by I Am Modern magazine.  In all honesty, I don’t actually remember what it is that I have really “won” as far as a prize…but re-reading what I had written about becoming a mom….. well, as much as I like the quiet, the freedom, and the “me” time, being Principessa’s mom–that is better.

Some of you know the story- but hopefully you will humor as I share it:

It was early in the morning and I was getting ready for my class of students to arrive for the day.  Prior to that morning, most of my mornings had started at the Genetics and IVF center in Fairfax as we were getting ready to use a donor egg, since my body decided to shut down and go into early menopause after having been through chemo.  I had been told that I could not have a baby, and that even if I could get pregnant, chances were good that it would not be a viable pregnancy.  So before starting the real cycle, we were putting my body through a practice month.

That morning, I picked up the phone and one of the doctors was on the line.  I knew something was up because I usually only spoke to the nurses.  She had news.  I was 5 ½ weeks pregnant.  I cried.  I cried a lot.  According to all the things I had been told, this baby would not make it.  But in that moment the doctor said one thing that turned me into a mom:  I could either grieve for this baby now, or I could enjoy it and cherish it every day and hope. I chose hope.

The rest of the day was a blur- there were more tears…though these were tears of joy.  There was excitement, there were phone calls, and then there was the journal.  On my way home from school, I bought a journal to write letters to my baby. I spent 9 months writing letters- describing my excitement, telling the baby just about everything that was in my head and my heart.

After months of hoping, that decision to hope became a reality: on November 6, 2004 my little S came into this world.  Despite all the odds, she was born 7 lbs 7 oz at 6:06 pm and was soon surrounded by her parents, her grandparents, and her god parents. The next morning, S and I woke up in our hospital room, to a bright sunrise, and before I knew it, I was singing, “you are my sunshine, my only sunshine.”  Life was good, I had become a mom.

Thank you I Am Modern for reminding me of what is important.

xo

Tagged as: Cancer, parenting, principessa, Rocket