I have to admit something. Something that I is eating away at my innards. Something that has been contributing to a tummy ache that will not go away. Something that I cannot put words to exactly. So here I am sitting down to write…staring at a blank screen.
The truth is that ….I am in a funk. A writing funk. A life funk.
Funk, funk, funk, funk, funk.
I could blame a great many things for my funk.
I blame several weeks of not working out coming off of my Iron Girl triathlon.
I could blame going back to work after a summer of inhaling and exhaling social medial all day long.
I could blame my parental woes for Principessa as she navigates her way through first grade.
I could blame so many things. Some of which I do not really want to talk about here…well, I just shouldn’t. I wish I could, because those words, well they would be all sorts of passionate. But I know better.
In the end, the funk is still there. The blame does not help. It just makes my tummy ache a little deeper.
To top it all off, I feel ridiculously hypocritical for being in a funk. Here I am, founding a site about just being enough….about empowerment, about standing taller. Though the truth of the matter is that I am not sure that this funk is about me not feeling good about myself. Or maybe it is. Maybe it is my feeling inadequate as a parent. Feeling inadequate as a wife. Or maybe…it is just a funk. An icky four letter word that has eaten away at the passion and spark that ran through my veins not that long ago.
So I will do what I know how to do, what I love to do. Because not writing is not an option. I will look for beauty. I will look for joy. I will look for giggles and laughter. I may even look for the occasional tear, just as long as it has a silver lining. They may have nothing to do with me, but hopefully…in my search for things that are not funk related, I will find my way.
Maybe there are others out there feeling this way? Selfishly, I kind of hope so….because knowing you are not alone in this big expanse of world, all alone in your funk….well, that is just lonely. Maybe there are others that want to join me in my search for beauty, joy, giggles, and laughter? Maybe just maybe. And if not, I will say funk, funk, funk, funk, funk, funk over and over again, because the repeated saying of this four letter word, does make me giggle.
And giggling? Giggling is good.
Earlier today I read about a new link up by Heather at the Extraordinary Ordinary. The instructions are to JUST WRITE. And tonight, that is exactly what I needed.