A Tapestry of People

Amidst my tapestry is the voice of one woman, a doctor, who I spoke to early one morning six years ago.  I was in my classroom, prepping materials for my third graders before they they filled the room with enthusiasm, chatter, and eight year old ways.  I had been to the doctor’s office, specifically, the IVF clinic, just the day before to run some tests.  At the time, I was in pre-ovarian failure, and despite my early onset menopause, was prepping my body for a donor egg. I was full of medicines and hormones going through a practice cycle, so that the doctors would know how my body would react.

But then the came the phone call.

I was not used to hearing the doctor’s voice on the telephone. The nurses were my usual telephone partners.  But today, it was the doctor herself.  She told me that the test the day before had shown that my lining was thick.  I sat clueless as to what this might mean and waited.  She continued to tell me that they had run another test, and I was in fact, five weeks pregnant.

Alone in my large classroom, I sat down in one of my student’s chairs.  How could this be?  She paused, and allowed me to process the information. My tears started to gush out, because I had been told over and over again that even if I could get pregnant, it was not likely to be viable.

That is when it happened, this doctor, this woman…said one simple thing to me that has stayed with me each and every day.  I had a choice. I could grieve now or I could cherish the creation of a life despite all the odds and hope.  The hope might eventually turn into grieving, but if it were her she told me, she would relish every single moment of this precious little life growing inside me.

As I look at Principessa now, I am so thankful I cherished and hoped. I often wonder if the outcome would have been different had I not.  I am a big believer in mind over matter, and I wonder if my hope, my downright exuberance, helped  sustain the five week old embryo.

This doctor’s words were so simple: grieve or hope.  And yet, those two choices stay are always at the back of my mind.  And although I am not always the best at walking the walk, I choose to hope. I choose to enjoy. I choose to embrace the moment of now, for none of us knows what tomorrow will bring.